Norah vincent self made man dating ebook sex secrets online dating tips pdf
She makes sure that she apologises for misleading them and that they understand the purpose of her project.
She changes names for confidentiality reasons and never names the state or region which she’s chosen to focus on. Perhaps unsurprisingly – because it’s the chapter relating to women, the bit I can most understand – I felt uneasiest about Ned’s experiences with online dating.
Used to being watched as she goes down the street as a woman, she’s struck that men don’t hold her gaze when she’s dressed as a man. Vincent wonders how men learn these unspoken rules of masculinity.
She reads this as some kind of social contract between men: that the gaze is only held to provoke conflict or seduce. She wonders how many other unspoken rules there might be. Now, she could of course just , but Vincent believes that a stranger in a strange land can analyse much more easily than a native.
As long-term readers of this blog will know, I’m very interested in gender as a concept.
How do we internalise society’s expectations of gender?
Is there that much difference between men and women?
After an evening out with a drag-king friend of hers, she’s struck by the different reactions she gets, even from casual passersby, depending on whether she’s dressed as a man or a woman.
And the most challenging part of Vincent’s experience was dealing with the inward self.
She stresses in her introduction that she isn’t a cross-dresser or a trans man: this isn’t an experiment to find her ‘true self’.
What about the guys Vincent socialises with in New York?
Where, in her book, are the kind of men I’m familiar with: my friends; my coworkers?