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I would feel a sense of fear before I would utter a word.
In order to bring awareness to what I was feeling, I began questioning the intention behind my words and actions.
An example of this would be refusing to let someone convince you to do something you don’t want to do, even if that person tries to manipulate you with negative comments.
Out through the locked up, suppressed little voice hidden deep down within, I allowed myself to say, “I always feel as if I need to give people what they want.” It was almost as if lighting struck and the clouds parted at the same time.I sat there comfortably in the chair of my therapist’s office, and with a deep breath I knew that “it” was over.I did not know what “it” was, or the amount of work and change that would follow, but I knew that I was ready and willing. From the influence of an alcoholic, narcissistic father to the string of narcissistic relationships formed afterward, my identity evolved through who I was to others and what I had given to them.Feeling responsible for others’ actions, thoughts, and reactions would leave me drained and confused.When I began realizing the difference between owning others’ problems and giving them support, I started creating my own positive space.