After four years of dating
Everything in my life was about to change, and I was drinking a lot. I hadn’t seen or thought about him in nearly a year. My name is Elena.”He turned to me, looked me up and down, and said, “Hey, yeah…I remember you. We told them to meet us at the Chapel of the Bells at 7PM. We didn’t have a long engagement full of planning and stress to throw a lavish wedding for a guest list that is entirely too big.One night my friends and I decided to go see some live music at a local bar. I was feeling pretty tipsy [AKA fearless] so I walked right up to him and said “Hey! After our 2.5 minute wedding ceremony and 0 spent on the marriage certificate and Chapel fees, we got some take-out to eat at our favorite bar, had a couple drinks, got our wedding bands tattooed [for free by a friend] and went home. I moved in with him right after we got hitched, and guess what? We didn’t have a 2-week honeymoon to a tropical island. I suppose I just want you to know that if you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them…you need to tell them. Tell them how you feel and that they’re it for you. If you want to marry someone, then marry the fuck out of them and don’t apologize for it.The friend whose house we were at came over to me and said “Hey, go flirt with Tim. We had great conversation and shared appetizers, entrees and on a whim he purchased a 0 half bottle of dessert wine (I later found out that he got paid that day so he was trying to impress me). After dinner we decided to drive up to Lake Tahoe and go for a swim under the moon. After our dip in our underwear, we sat on the shore and saw several shooting stars in a matter of minutes while drying off. We drove back to Reno, went to another bar that was close to my house and had a couple more drinks. After I was finished moving I called him and he was grabbing a beer with a friend so I met up with him. He wanted me to use the “wedding money” for a down payment on a house, an extended honeymoon, or for starting my own business. He just didn’t see the value in having a big, expensive wedding. Since my dad passed away, I wouldn’t really have the means to pay for a big wedding anyways. We were looking longingly into each other’s eye, warbling, whispering sweet nothings, and swapping saliva. They hope that getting married will somehow salvage their broken relationship. Why not make the honeymoon phase the foundation for our marriage? The coolest thing about our marriage is that it still feels like we are in the honeymoon phase.He’s single right now.”I said, “I’m not single...” And my friend said, “Yeah, but your man is 6,000 miles away, and all you do is fight.” Or something along those lines…So I walked up to him and introduced myself. I remember him being handsome and polite…But that’s about it. I was single and going on way too many Tinder dates. Around 3AM he walked me home and kissed me goodnight. We got dinner, walked around downtown, then he showed me his place. And having grown up in Reno, an elopement wasn’t out of the ordinary. And it wasn’t something I was willing to put myself and my future husband into debt over. Our friend said “Will you guys just get married already? It isn’t about how long you’ve been together, it’s about the foundation you’ve built together, right? My dad remarried very quickly after my parent’s second divorce, and then passed away when I was 17. I think that is because of the precedent that we have set for our relationship early on. [Mostly because we are both stubborn assholes.] I promised myself a long time ago that I would get married once and only once.This isn’t a blog post telling you that the way I married my significant other is superior to the way you did. Our story is not what most would consider normal in today’s day and age. Each guy I have dated has been very different from the last.
The relationship is traveling into their third (or sixth) year and nothing is wrong except these girls would like to take the relationship to the next level and their men have yet to agree.
Ted Huston, a leading researcher on transitions in relationships, marriage and parenthood, followed couples for 13 years starting in 1979.
He states in his study that happily married couples dated for approximately 25 months before getting married. Couples who were unhappily married soon after they said “I do” and quickly divorced more often married at or after three years.
Only time will tell how modern marriages are growing and changing from those started long ago.
What do these timelines mean for you still waiting for your man to propose?