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B., who is kind and polite and describes himself as honest despite what he's doing at this very moment, says his wife isn't the nosy kind. I know a lot of women who do, but my wife really trusts me." Like the other men, he's afraid of getting caught but, similarly, says he feels no guilt. He calls me by my fake name, and I call him by his. You may get to know a deep tumor of the married man's soul, but you won't know his real name.) He looks exactly as he does in his pictures: dark-haired and big-chinned, vaguely politician-ish. He lives in a big city now but grew up in a small town where he married young. His wife is not intellectual enough, he says, but he will be with her for life.As such, this relationship — the one with me — is a village in a different country, on another planet. He didn't realize when he married her that a little under a decade later he would be bored.We wish we could ignore ashleymadison.com, the online playing field for married people looking to cheat. Redbook couldn't ignore that number, so we sent writer Lisa Taddeo online to meet up with straying husbands and get them to answer: Why? He wants to meet; he doesn't know I ran into him just last week. The more careful among them don't post pictures directly to the site, but they send a key that grants me access to a "private showcase" of images.But over 8 million men and women have signed up, heeding its slogan, "Life is short. By definition, Ashley Madison, a dating site for cheaters, is a disreputable place. Your first impulse may be to throw your arms up in rage and condemn its members, the ones trawling for an affair or the chance to talk dirty in an instant message. I set out to ask married men on the site not only why they cheat, but why they do it so boldly, admitting their recklessness and confessing their betrayals on the Internet as though their morality and fidelity were items up for auction on e Bay. One of the men has a tagline on his profile that reads, "At your cervix, madam." Within moments of signing in, instant messages flush my screen, emails and winks from muscular men and men much older than me and young ones and proud fathers and one gray grandfather, worming out like monsters from the baseboards. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised: 68 percent of the site's members are men, and their average age is 44 — right in his demographic. Some wax their chests and others are darkly forested.They are beautiful, the son eating an ice cream cone, the young girl in overalls. is holding her up and she is grabbing his finger, and the finger is wearing a wedding ring. He believes that marriage is a path all men must travel at some point. wants to meet me, but he's not sure he can steal time away.His message says, "Although we haven't yet met, something has happened (at least for me). is an engineer in his early 30s who practices birdcalling in his spare time, and sends me pictures of his younger days, when he went boating and life was dangerous and uncharted. If they've dated a woman for number of years, marriage comes next, an obligatory stop on the endless conveyer belt. For now, he is content to write — to paint the picture of the moment we lock eyes across a bar.In between his kid's soccer game and a pizza party, B.* sends a picture of himself on a golf course.

He complains that she performs oral sex as if it were a chore.It doesn't matter, because he says he can imagine my voice; he says he knows exactly what it must sound like.When he is standing on the soccer field and children are moving around in a blur, he says, he slips out of the game and thinks of me, and if his Black Berry vibrates in his pocket, he hopes that it is me.In the most extreme, these pronouns — to whom the men claim to be happily married — become antiheroes to the plan."She just canceled her dinner, so now I can't meet you on Tuesday.

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